Gippsland
44
Gippsland - Wind breaks In Soldier Straight Lines
Wind breaks
grow in soldier
straight lines,
double banked
thick and green.
Tree encrusted cottages
tumbled down walls
lie dying by the road.
Trees dot;
demarcate the hills
Spontaneous growth
fights for space
with telegraph poles
that mark the meadows.
A tangled maze
enclosed by jagged wire.
copyright: a.a.gallagher
all rights reserved
November 2005.
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Thanks TKIMWRSVC for your comment - I do currently have jangled not jagged but I think that you're jagged is better so I am going to do a bit of deleting and inserting...jagged is more appropriate and seems stronger .....so cheers and thanks for that
'Tree encrusted cottages'
I've been to places like that. Man moves out, and before you know it nature's right back on track.
This is great Ajcor, the feeling of dereliction is beautifully conjured in just a few words.
Glad you like it Amanda - i was actually writing this one in my head as I was driving along looking at the derelict cottage on the side of the road....so thanks for the comment ...cheers
See, I can only do funny. It's amazing to me how you could write this in your head while driving by a cottage. I loved Amanda's detail about man moving out and nature being right back on track.
Beautiful! You are talented!!
and funny, Proud Mom is really clever, funny and great - enjoyed by a huge proportion of the human race, but thank you for your lovely compliment ...sometimes i just have to stop to put that first line down so i don't lose it...the line that is....cheers
That sounds like it has the makings of a good hub. "The Line That Is" and all the first lines that inspired you.
I like the simplicity and straighforwardedness of this one - but still ambient! Thanks for sharing :D
now that is a thought proud Mom , will see if this could be a goer.....
Well, then....I'll be back!!
Thanks CrisA - I am glad you liked this one - it is simple and for that very reason i was unsure....thanks for calling in...cheers
Ajcor--Your voice is coming across a very pastoral, and kind of william carlos williams to me. Like you just walk around and notice things (I do that, too).
I don't mind the simplicity of it--some poems were meant to be simple. Think of Haiku with a single profound thought, usually. :)
Thanks Lita - i really like the Haiku, basho particularly - so deceptive in its simplicity - much harder to write to the required form and cadence I think - and I am a great observer of life and nature and just things really...good to know you are too...To be honest I haven't studied much literature since school/uni days but I am a voracious reader of anything and everything and now you have given me a a new poet to read - william carlos williams ....thanks
ps I have a brother who has been published many times and he is thinking he will enter your challenge ...once I give him the links etc...
Ajcor--That would be cool. We have some very good writers of all stripes here. That's what I like about Hubpages!
-Queensland - The Outback - from utube - queenslandluva
the nivens - house come tumbling down - from utube - thenivensuk
TKIMWRSVC 3 years ago
I liked that one, the jagged part especially